“Oh brother, I can’t, I can’t get through. I’ve been trying hard to reach you ’cause I don’ know what to do.
Oh brother, I can’t believe it’s true. I’m so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you.”
Let’s be perfectly clear, I detest Coldplay but the first verse of this song couldn’t put any better how difficult it is for me to wrangle estrangement from my family. And the fact it’s a remix made it bearable for me to use it. I’ll try not to let it happen again.
You may have thought my brothers were a parked memory by now, as it’s been a while. But they are still a daily part of my life, although I am not in theirs at all. A small part of me hopes that’s not entirely true. They are pretty much screwed when it comes to our childhood memories. I’ll take that pyrrhic victory in the absence of real contact. I’m not utterly disposable to them.
Time to resolve things will never run out at my end but I’d always just hoped to have that done before their brother disappears for good. Sadly we’ve just never managed to meet. At all, nevermind halfway. And as the clock ticks on, I don’t see it happening. Which is the saddest thing ever. It’s felt like a pointless fight.
Before too long they’ll have a sister that they aren’t talking to instead. And I totally feel for them, for having to get their heads around that in my absence. I constantly wonder how they must feel. How do they make any sense of it? Because none of our split is about anyone being wrong. It’s about hurt, failing to communicate and digging into our respective trenches. It’s all to easy to watch happen and all too hard to come back from.
Families are complicated beasts. Yours as much as mine. They move to their own beat, mine just has two left feet and a tendency to misstep. That’s ok though. Still my family and there’s not a damned thing they can do to change that. They’ll always be my brothers no matter what. And I’m now going to wait it out daily until it’s eventually time to talk. It’s an acceptably positive sort of plan. Since I let Coldplay start off today, I’m going to let them have the last word too.
“Are you lost or incomplete? Do you feel like a puzzle, you can’t find your missing piece?
Tell me, how do you feel? Well, I feel like they’re talking in a language I don’t speak. And they’re talking it to me.”