What It Is Ain’t Exactly Clear.

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“Are you pondering what I’m pondering?

“I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking– I mean, what would the children look like?”

It’s been a fair old week for pondering. I’m almost assured that nothing has been left unpondered. Until another little question starts to pipe up insistently.

A million chirping little What If’s are currently waiting in line for consideration. I have no idea of the collective noun but my suggestion would definitely be a Worry Of What If’s. Their natural habitat obviously being whenever they are least convenient.

No matter, the variety of questions that I have is mindbogglingly diverse. Will I be able to pee properly seems to be a principal question. What about “phantom limb” is another. Can I request a 100% Camel Toe free option? 

And the truth is I have no answers to anything at present. There is only one question I can even attempt to answer. Do I want this? I genuinely believe the answer is yes. No matter how scared I really am. Why else even put myself through the last three years? It can’t have been for nothing.

Surgery solves nought though. It opens up even more questions but then potentially also more experiences to be had. And I’m as ready as I’ll ever be really. Might need you to hold my hand though. However metaphorically. I’m nowhere near as brave as I paint myself in real life. I always needed help to get here. And I daily have to thank life for letting me have it. Once again, No man is an island etc. And because I am unable to help myself, unless his name is Madagascar.


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