Two weeks from now I’ll be done with the nuts and bolts part of my transition. But I very much doubt that will be the end of the journey. The practicalities of even just having new plumbing are not lost on me. But it’s an exciting time all the same.
I’m winding down at work, back in my own home and starting to have enough moments to myself to give some last minute consideration ahead of surgery. Not that the decision isn’t made. But it’s a huge goodbye to a lot of things for me. And parts of it are a little sad.
I won’t be a son or a brother any more. Although I’d hope it was more than mere genitalia that ever qualified me in either regard. The first is a larger concern as my Mother will have to come to grips with that cosmic shift as much as I do. She’s done pretty well up till now. I do think we’ll make it the rest of the way.
Not being a brother is a little more complicated. I’ve not been allowed to be one this last few years. And although I’ve made my peace with that, I’m sorry they’re not here for this part of my journey. I can’t ever give them their brother back once it’s done. I’ll always regret that it ended that way. Although my hand was kind of forced.
But there will be time enough, I hope, to allow me one last attempt at contact. I’m just thinking of an email at the moment. Nothing too complicated. Just that they are loved. And missed. And I’m sorry it’s like this. Deep down, I believe they might be too. It boils down to “better late than never” in the end. And it’s worth a try if nothing else.