Transition

Sugar And Spice

Once I decided to transition, I was a little disappointed that you aren’t handed a manual. Becoming A Woman For Dummies would be particularly useful.  But in the real world, it’s observation and application that’s required to make any headway. I’ve a long way to go but anything I have learned has been from watching female friends, or even strangers, and then appropriating the things that I like about them. That has helped me get comfortable with the outside part that the world sees first. The harder part is what does being a woman even mean anyway? I can work on clothes, hair, makeup and voice. I can modify mannerisms and try to change behaviours but that’s still not it. Mostly it’s a steep learning curve and all you can do is keep trying your best. Now, does anyone have a copy of that bloody book lying around?

Advertisements
Standard
Transition

Through The Looking Glass

Under normal circumstances I leave a little time between posts but today I’m in a nostalgic mood. Thinking about the past, all good times, and where I am now. Still equally good. But sometimes I still miss someone.

image

Not sure of an exact date but me two years ago. As happy as Larry with food, sitting across from one of my oldest friends.

Fast forward a year and things had moved on somewhat. Substantially so.

image

I am more than happy with my decision and living the life I wanted. But I think it’s OK to occasionally miss Chris. Things were less complicated than they are now. Although I was maybe less happy. Best I can hope is that I am still the same person and that that’s close enough for most folk. Anyway, he’s alive and well and ticking along nicely somewhere inside. He sends his regards.

Standard
Transition

Mama, Just Killed A Man

Telling my Mother of my transition was one of the hardest things I have ever done. In the same way that I made a hash of telling friends and my brothers, I left it unforgivably late. It almost broke her. It wasn’t deliberate but my procrastination/reticence meant I dropped the news the same week she was due to move home. Stressful much? In one fell swoop I torpedoed her world as she knew it. She was leaving a home she loved, had just lost a son and life as a family was never going to be the same again. Put away the violins. This is not a sad post. My Mum is the most fantastic woman I have ever known. She’s still human and went through all the stages of grief you can imagine. I have to say, that’s completely to be expected. Anything less is naive. Even if she wanted a daughter, she didn’t want it to be me. Her Firstborn son. But as Mums do, she somehow got over it pretty quickly and her anger and confusion dissipated. She has been amazingly supportive and a constant source of strength. She is also the link to my estranged brothers and likely the one thing that will bring us back together eventually. As I am welling up I am going to finish this post. But Yay! for Mums in general. We’d be nowhere without them.

Standard
Transition

Expect The Unexpected

I had no intention of blogging today. My hormones appear to be all over the place and my head is frankly mush. But then I got a lovely email from an entirely random stranger. He had read (elsewhere) about unsolicited online grief I had received from a particularly unpleasant “Real Man”. Just a short message to tell me not everyone thinks like that and that I should ignore and rise above it. I am most impressed that this came from an 18 year old, straight male. For every crappy experience I’ve had during this, there are far more which are positive. Totally justifies my basic faith in people. Whatever you are doing today, have a good one!

NB: I may die from laughing at that video

Standard
Transition

Softly, Softly, Catchee Monkey

Hormones are a painfully slow business. I’ve been on them all day, every day for 8 months and nothing seems to have happened. Impatience is a terrible bedfellow and it’s quite easy to find yourself allowing that frustration, that’s been lapping away at your ankles, to start to build up. And then, suddenly, one morning you notice that the boob fairy has dropped off a small cleavage. Although it’s nothing to write home about, it means hormones and I are absolutely friends again. Now that I can see movement I’ll need to keep reminding myself…Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Standard
Transition

Straight, No Chaser

I’ve been single a long time. To be honest, I probably prefer it. But as I’ve grown in confidence, I do occasionally consider having a partner in crime. Mainly just to do daft stuff with. With this in mind I have, from time to time, ventured into online dating. Usually on the quiet, which is not the safest way to be doing so. I should probably trust people more. It’s not often successful but equally not entirely awful for confidence either. I also do alright for offers which came as something of a surprise to me. Some want to meet. Some need me to be discreet (read that as cheat!). Some, simply to secrete. No thanks! The biggest problem I have is trusting their motivation because of one thing:-

Tranny Chaser
A straight male who is turned on by male to female transsexuals. Tranny Chasers do not like men and are only attracted to transsexuals because they look like women.

If I was to date anyone, I’d need to know it wasn’t just a case of curiosity piqued. This is harder to establish online than I like. It’s also strange looking in on the gender I was raised in from the other side. Still, it’s not essential. Life is pretty rosy, I control the tv remote and if I was to meet someone? They’d probably talk through House Of Cards. Dealbreaker!

Standard
Transition

Socially Awkward

One of the most awkward things about being trans is probably pronouns. Moving my life from He to She was really pretty easy. Persuading the world to come with you is a different matter. From the offset I decided I wasn’t going to be too dogmatic about it and it’s served me well so far. People WILL call you He and Him, even your closest friends. This is usually because they are only human and has nothing to do with you at all. It’s a huge adjustment you have asked them to make. Give them a break. The wider world takes time too. For several months I got Sir in shops and frequently Mate, especially in taxis. You could let this annoy you. If you are trans and happen upon this page, my suggestion is don’t. Firstly, in small daily interactions, it may be a headfuck for a shopworker to see you presenting as female but hear a male voice. They are busy and likely trying their best. You’ll live and it’s unlikely they really meant to upset you, most of the time. In the case of Mate, it’s much the same thing. They may just not know how to address you. That’s ok. It’s better to focus on the fact that they are trying to be friendly, rather than presume you are being disrespected. It gets better. Slowly. After more than a year it rarely happens now. And it’s still ok when it does. What’s changed? Either people are massively more accepting than you might think or I stopped worrying. Either works for me.

Standard