Another week has skipped past without me typing a word. Not like I’ve been doing much though. Time just constantly escapes me.

But it was once again a week of feeling batshit crazy. Not 24/7 thank Christ but still more than I’d ever think was comfortable. My appreciation of what it means to be a woman grows by the day.

Surges of emotion are more problematic than I ever anticipated. One of my colleagues assured me that this is what PMT is like for them. I had never understood just how difficult erratic changes in mood could be in my male life. I’m making up for it now I suppose.

But it does feels like things are settling just now so I can’t complain too much. I wanted my oestrogen tweaked and I got exactly that. I should have read the small print though. For now it’s just a case of putting on your big girl pants and buckling up for the rest of the ride.

It’s still been the best experience of my life though. Ups and downs, it’s all leading to where I want to be and I have to remind myself that I am lucky. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. Life’s what you make it.


Spinning Around


This blog has been something of a neglected beast of late. Sometimes life just gets in the way. And life has managed that quite successfully.

It’s not that I’ve been up to a spectacularly great deal. I’ve just been learning how to wrangle an increase in my oestrogen. I’m slowly getting there but I’ve no doubt as to which of us is in charge. And which of us is coming up short.

I’ve mostly been lurching between utterly despondent tears and feeling hormonally homicidal. And also everywhere in between. Not at all a pleasant experience but I am comforted by knowing that women know this often. Once again I did not realise the price of admission came with a catch.

But it’s not been all bad. I’ve seen more physical progress in 2 months than 2 years of patches. Maybe coincidental but I think not. The full onslaught of oestrogen will be worth it in the long run I think. I just wish someone could have given me a map to navigate things more easily. Probably not possible with unfettered emotions.

So it’s been a difficult couple of months adjusting to the increase but there’s at least been tangible progress. You need to balance the rough with the smooth in all things. And this is hopefully a blip. Struggling to get used to my thoughts being ruled by emotion but I did ask for this. Be careful what you ask for I suppose. You just might get it.

The positive to take from it is that I can see movement. I’m happier with what I see each day. That has to be a good thing. The 24 carat crazy? Not so much. All things will pass though.


Always Fascinated


There doesn’t seem to be a right or wrong way to transition. So for all the skin deep similarities, everyone’s journey is different. I’m starting to get more interested in just how much. And why that might be.

Like why I’ve had a relatively painfree transition compared to some. Notwithstanding the occasional comment or stare, I’m mostly allowed to exist without much hassle. I count myself lucky for this.

But the best thing about the last week was that I don’t seem to be alone in wondering these things. Took part in a couple of interviews for students undertaking their dissertations. I like that they are asking questions and taking part brings me no harm.

The first was about how do Transgender people fit into a mainstream that doesn’t necessarily make room for them. I’m not sure we really have to but then I would say that. I am lucky to live a very mainstream life. Probably luckier than I know. I mostly found acceptance. 

The second was about Trans equality in the workplace, experience of coming out and I suppose finding that acceptance. Really enjoyed taking part in both interviews. It brought home how successful things have been and both surprised me in that the feedback from other interviewees was mostly positive too.

Just didn’t expect to hear that. Still it made me glad to know.Things have clearly changed. I’ll still encounter small pockets of idiocy here and there. I’ll just know that they are fast becoming the minority.