Transition

Tall Tales, Epic Fails, Go Directly To Jail’s

I kind of do a pretty good impression of knowing exactly where I’m going with my transition. If I was being totally honest, the right and the wrong of it and my certainty in either regard can shift wildly in any given day. But I still like to think that I do know what I am doing.

And that can be hugely affected by external factors. That mostly probably don’t even know how much they affect me. For example this week, I’ve had a fairly equal mix of Sir and Madam when shopping. It’s hard not to falter when Sir happens. Like, exactly what the fuck am I doing with my life? Am I totally misguided?

But then, I know I’m not. I’m genuinely pretty happy and ridiculously content with my life. Nothing is necessarily perfect but everything is generally good enough. I’m only ever a roll of the dice from landing on Park Lane.

And being happy with your lot feels like a good place to be. I don’t remember ever feeling so relaxed as I am before. All things are possible. And although the op is looming large in my life, I’m scared of nothing. Life is pretty decent and once again, there is always tomorrow. Kind of a nice place to live.

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Transition

Suffer Little Children

https://youtu.be/4QRUrRzIZUwThat my friends came with me on my transition is something I am going to be eternally grateful for. That they extended that acceptance to their children and actively fostered it in them was also more than I’d ever felt able to expect. Certainly more than my own flesh and blood were able to manage.
Although, truth be told, even estrangement from my brothers and nephews is something I understand. The most difficult part being that, particularly with my nephews, it was about protecting them. And not from me as it happens. Just how society can be when you are perceiveably different from the norm. And there is no point pretending it wouldn’t happen, people are people and sometimes they react horribly to difference. And then you can be somewhat guilty by association. And just as prone to jibes about it.

I get why my brother and his partner would seek to shield their sons from all of that side of the world. That “Adam & Eve, Not Adam & Steve” sort of viewpoint about gender and sexuality is still alive and well unfortunately. And this is where one of my greatest fears starts to nip at my heels. My friends’ children are still young enough to perhaps not fully understand what I am or for that to have impacted on them too heavily I hope. But one day someone will make a comment around it and they will have a difficult choice. Because of me.

But I think I’m mentally prepared for when or if that day arrives. I’m going to put my faith in good parenting, hope their acceptance continues through potentially difficult enough teenage years and hold to this notion that “you won’t fool the children of the revolution”. Because they get it already. And for them, people really are just people.

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Transition

Be Proud Of Yourself

This weekend is particularly important in the Glasgow LGBTQI Calendar. And I’m kind of fortunate to have been working the Glasgow Pride event in various capacities. And a variety of different hats. Participant, volunteer and also as a Union representative. I’m grateful for all of those opportunities to be honest. It kind of really matters.

I was never that militant when I lived a straight, closeted life. I still didn’t believe in inequality but I had yet to feel it so personally keenly. And you can trust me when I say there is a world of difference between being a Straight White Male and a Straight White Shemale. I found that out the hard way.

Amd yet the world I currently inhabit is full of hope to me. To see thousands march today on a simple principle that we deserve equality is emboldening. Nobody should ever have to hide who they really are. And in Glasgow, I genuinely believe we are nearly there. The reaction from the public that lined the streets tells me we are so accepted. Small pockets of ignorance aside.

But in 2017 I can live openly as a Transgender Female and receive next to no grief for that fact. I am exceptionally proud of my city, my friends and their children (More on that next time). So no matter how you identify, be proud of who you are! Shout it as loud from the rooftops as you see fit. Or not if that’s your choice. But nobody ever gets to tell you that you are not somehow good enough. My own favourite definition of the term gay was that it stood for “Good As You”. Fucking Amen to that!

And just because a close friend quotes it to me frequently, I’m going to finish with a Rupaul quote,

“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

Love yourself and love the ones you’re with!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Transition

Written In The Stars

I’ve always hoped that people get why I always post a video with each post. I strongly suspect that they do but for the sake of clarity, a small explanation. I love music and I love language. This medium allows me to collide both. And it allows me to unify an image in a way nothing else ever can. I simply love that. A small window into how I actually think about the world. It’s one of my favourite things. Because even though you might be a stranger, you know me a little bit through this. But I was supposed to be blogging about something. So I shall.

I could never have been able to predict just how good my transition would eventually turn out to be. I had no Magic 8 ball to give me even the slightest clue. And still it turned out better than I ever imagined.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade was the sort of advice I used to abhor. It’s actually not that bad a motto. The Transgender journey is not desperately easy but it is entirely doable.

A lot of it is entirely down to choice, in my opinion. You can choose your battles, what you allow power over you and you can always choose who you wish to be. I choose to be a strong and confident woman. Sometimes despite myself. Because I have people who hold me up.

So I didn’t do so alone. Everyone who came with me matters to me very much. In no matter how small a way they may think. I don’t think enough of them realise just how much. They are my strength. Day to day. That’s how I am able to manage all of it. And now, when everything seems possible, those are the ones I want to thank the most. Because they let me fulfill the dream I had. In tiny, beautiful ways. Like just She and Her. And it’s those folk, rather than the stars, that point to my future. God bless’em.

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Transition

Love The Ones You’re With

Not been paying too much attention to this blog lately. Life has just gotten in the way. Tumbling through one shitty situation after another as it happens. Not that I’m remotely alone in this. Almost everyone I care about has been touched by some unasked for heartache of late. But at the end of the day, we all have each other. And that’s pretty much all that matters when you get right down to it. Everything else can and will pass. Keep the Aspidistra flying!

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Transition

Nailed It!

So, last week our government casually announced it was going to reform the laws around Gender Recognition. It’s not a government renowned for it’s compassion and understanding in many areas so forgive me for being a little cautious to accept this as gospel. I’ve spent much of this week waiting for the usual sort of religious “It’s Adam and Eve” rhetoric to reach it’s full clamour.

To be fair, it’s not really happened on the scale I imagined at all. People seem to have far more to worry them in the long run. And articles like this one http://johnpavlovitz.com/2017/07/21/no-gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgender-not-sin/ probably help us begin to find a common ground.

Of course, in the same week, across the pond, a certain President Chump has just announced he’s going to ban Transgender people from serving in the military. You have to wonder how any one person can get things so wrong.

I would probably still march for your right to hate me as long as it was in the name of free speech.  I’d still respect your opinion. Although I might choose to find it abhorrent. And ill-informed. And a bit of a throwback. 

We’re so close to getting there as a society.  My own transition punctuates that very clearly to me. For every Trump, there’s a cavalry around the corner who don’t give a fuck what’s between my legs. Why should they? And in the meantime I have to admit that I mustn’t grumble.  It’s slow,  it’s faltering and all too human but progress happens. Despite all efforts to the contrary. 

 

 

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Transition

State-ly Home

For the last couple of months I’ve sort of been renovating my home. Sort of. It’s a long story. All I’ve really managed to do is turn my flat into a flimsy uninhabitable shell. But to be fair, I had help. Although that word implies a level of actual assistance.

The plan was to femme the flat up a bit and modernise it after more than a decade of considered inaction on my part. It was a sound plan in theory. But there is no amount of planning that will compensate for the untimely death of your builder halfway through proceedings. Kind of left me with a bit of a dilemma.

Despite the current state of things, I’m trying to stay relatively optimistic. It’s mostly cosmetic and fixable within a short enough timescale but it’s pretty difficult to remain upbeat when you are estranged from your home. I even miss the crappy line in my wall which I had replastered out of existence.

But it’s a lesson learned. Home improvement sucks. If it can go wrong, it invariably will. At twice the cost. I now have to pay someone to rectify and complete work I’ve already paid for. I know this much though. If I ever mention doing further work, someone really needs to punch me in the throat. For my own good.

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