I am the worst sort of Lapsed Catholic. So I began 2018 with that sort of mindset. And everything served up this year has only continued to push me further away from the idea of a right and just God.
All that 2018 has actually delivered has been difficulty upon difficulty, to the point that any residual faith I might have harboured has finally evaporated.
Which makes it incredibly frustrating that my current Go To coping mechanism is actually Catholic Hymns. I hate it. I have very little to thank God for at present. And yet, I continue to find myself constantly singing songs about a God I don’t really believe in.
I can’t reconcile any kind of entity that would visit such a torturous year on my family, with anything I was taught to believe. And I lack the finesse to explain in words just how disappointed I am. But frustratingly, I still find myself belting out these bloody hymns with gusto every day. How’s that for a subconscious trick? Once a Catholic.
You might have gathered that this is a venting sort of post. I make zero apologies for that. It’s just an online diary anyway really. And today I’m just feeling a little broken and this is where I come when I am. Next time I’ll maybe cover faulty vaginas and returning them within the warranty period. Or something less serious. God willing.