By the time this post is published I’ll be in my appointment with the surgeon, literally pulling the trigger that will see the new me out of the starting blocks. I have no idea how it’s going to go. But I remain epically calm. And I quite like it.
Despite all of the questions that I have, I mostly feel a sense of resolution. That everything over the last four or so years has been worth it. Arguably not the loss I suppose but even that is still too early to call forever.
But just to get here is an accomplishment I think. Sometimes I did believe it was too hard and that it might break me. But it didn’t and I don’t think anything ever will now. Although, to be fair, I don’t wish to tempt fate in this regard. My journey to today has been relatively privileged though, mostly because of the people who came with me and made it a little easier just to be me. It will probably be the defining experience of my life. But it was pretty much a pleasure taking every single step.
I really have no idea what I’ll be feeling tomorrow or how this appointment will pan out. Oddly, it doesn’t actually matter. It’s just another step closer to the end of this particular journey. And while I want that resolution, it’s surprisingly now more haste but less speed. Whenever my surgery is going to be is when it’s meant to happen. And I’m actually at peace with that. Neither hurried or worried about any of it. Today at least. See you at my freakout post on Sunday.