Itsy Bitsy Inbetweenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini

Less than two weeks till I see the surgeon and I’m feeling disturbingly relaxed about everything.  I’m predicting that this zenlike calm is still just a precursor to a major storm as reality bites down hard.

But calm I am and nothing feels beyond me right now.  Feeling relaxed about it all is a good place to be and the kind of progress where I’m at least a wee bit proud of myself. A relaxed attitude helps me cope with just about anything life conjures up to throw at me.

This week it was workmen idly gawping at me from their vehicular HQ.  I was absolutely ready for the usual exchanges to start. And then they didn’t.  All I heard was “Was that a guy?” said very quietly but quizzically just after I passed them. The important bit being “Was“. It was an actual question. And I will happily take that as a little victory which measures the progress I’ve made.

Four years ago that exchange would have went very differently. And arguably affected my whole day. Now I have hope that in another four years I can simply pass another group of generic workmen without any kind of comment. Other than the kind women usually get. And that doesn’t feel at all impossible to me now. Which makes me think maybe I’m absolutely ready to meet this surgeon. And to start getting ready to get on with the rest of my life. Happy days indeed!


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