Sometimes I worry that Chris didn’t get enough of a proper send off. What if he had unfinished business? Business that he’ll never now get to complete.
He’ll never ever climb Mount Kilimanjaro, he probably wasn’t that fussed. He’ll never play piano either, although I might. But now it’s also a bit late for him to just have a proper goodbye with everyone he cared about. I regret that a wee bit. He was just happily going about his days till I turned up and ended him.
And it was maybe more abrupt than was strictly speaking necessary. He was packed into bags and donated to charity before people had even got over the whole WTF of it. And I’m sorry for that. Although I felt it had to happen, I arguably could have eased off the gas a little. It would have been less like an axe falling on him.
If I was ever changing gender again I’d be much better at it. Hindsight is a tremendous thing and there’s plenty I could have done better.
If I could, I’d let him out for one last hurrah before I step into his shoes permanently. But I think that ship has sailed really. What I can do is enjoy every second of the life I inherited from him and try to make them count. It’s what he would have wanted. That and a total lack of mountain climbing.