Tomorrow is notionally the third anniversary of my estrangement from my brothers. It happened slightly differently in real life, falling apart bit by bit. But it’s the last time I ever saw my youngest brother and my beautiful nephews so it serves as a functional landmark. I need that to make sense of it all.

The colossal lack of closure is as heart sore today as it was at the time. My transition ripped open a divide between us. And sadly, neither of any of us seem to know fuck all about building bridges. Not one engineer out of three.

But despite this awful little anniversary, I’m going to stay positive. Maybe it’s now just a year closer to resolution. Admittedly, maybe it’s not. But I just refuse to believe that’s all there is.

There are no guarantees in life that I am aware of. But I’m very determined that I’m going to speak to both my brothers again. Not today. Very unlikely it will be tomorrow either.  But eventually it will happen. And then we deal with what we deal with. I’m not naive enough to expect back what we’ve lost. But even something different would be welcomed. By me at least.They may still have other, very definite, opinions.

I stand by my optimism though. Whether it’s misplaced or not. There is always tomorrow I tell myself. And if it wasn’t today, all things remain possible. Maybe I’ll be posting something similar in another year. But then maybe I won’t. And that’s a good enough reason to get out of bed today. And any other. Because one day might be the day.


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