My Mother is the most amazing person in my life. Hands down. However she generally struggles a bit with my transition. That’s a given. I am still He, Him, Mister and most often Christopher. She also often worries about the implications of my decision. And feels that, somehow, I have rushed into this. Like a 5 year plan is me being cavalier.
On balance, all of this is actually OK with me. She did not give birth to a daughter, nurtured me my entire life and transsexuality is sort of a major shock to anyone. Especially your parent. They were not warned this was a possibility. Treating them with extra care as a result seems appropriate.
My Mum’s thought processes have continued to amaze me though. While never directly saying she approved, she has given me clothes, makeup and advice. She was just my Mum doing the best she could for me.
But lately we’ve had some proper adult conversations and I’ve come to better understand how difficult my decision was and is for her. I am not faultless here. I get to be me. But I didn’t transition in a protective bubble and other people equally feel the effects viscerally. She has been exceptional in what she must find a very difficult circumstance. That’s my contender for understatement of the year right there.
She did have a genuine wonder why testosterone injections couldn’t have “fixed” me. Why would she not? She must have had countless questions she needed answered. I had to inadequately explain that more maleness was the last thing my psyche ever needed. I desperately needed less.
But I entirely understand her question. It is fair enough. Why couldn’t her boy not be a girl? Better qualified people than her or I can’t even approach an answer to that. But she is unequivocally the best Mother I could have asked for.
Nothing will ever separate or disconnect us and I am enormously grateful for that. She is literally the rock my transition is anchored to. And I hope to tell her about this blog at some point. Until I do, she is just my best friend in the world. And a woman to base my own womanhood on. Mum for short.