Where My Soul Is At

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Limping towards a 10 day holiday in the Mediterranean. My soul is concrete heavy and I simply cannot wait any longer. Been a horrible couple of months where I have been constantly hormonally challenged and sometimes the costs have felt a little high. 

I was pretty sure at the start of hormone therapy that it would be somewhat tricky. I really had zero idea just how much. But I have found that I can adapt to just about anything. Hormones have screwed mercilessly with me recently and in the more difficult moments, they almost convinced me I didn’t want to be here. Disturbingly honest perhaps but there it stands.

I am neither embarrassed or awkward about putting where I was out there. I’m dealing with the erratic moodswings better now and it was only ever about feeling emotional in a moment. And finding that level of feeling things hard to cope with. I like my life way too much.

And life isnt half bad if I really look closely. I’ve learned I am resilient, who I can really rely on and what I’m coming home to after a well earned holiday. In fact, barring the very immediate need for a break, everything in life is pretty much ok. 

My holiday is going to be about letting go of things though. I’ve already had to let go of my brothers, although I didn’t wish to. And I’ll let go of anything else I have to, in order to survive how demanding transition has actually turned out to be. 

When I come back, it’s full speed ahead and I’m totally moving forward. I have an appointment late October which should give me my second psychiatric opinion and finally open the door to seeing the surgeon. So, I have much to be excited about. And just twelve more days till I can kick back and relax. Not that I’m counting. I just have to get there. 

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