Still thinking about what having surgery might mean. Kind of hard not to really. It’s a tiny bit crucial to making the right decision. Or the decision that’s right for me.
On the one hand, it’s the logical conclusion of a journey. I’d welcome that. But it’s a brutally final goodbye to the life I had. A sad farewell, never to return.
Not that I would ever see myself going backwards but I’ve inched forward cautiously enough till now and making ultimate decisions is actually a little bit scarier than I like.
Are what you want and what you’ll get going to be the same thing? I find myself just wondering more and more. But I think that’s perfectly reasonable of me to be doing. Especially as time has a way of galloping forward. And things may be upon me faster than we blink.
I don’t ever want to go under a knife without crystal clear clarity. And I have glimpses of it regularly. But it would not be wise to ignore little questioning voices either. They deserve answers. And I’m not always armed with the knowledge they seek. But I do have a tongue in my head and the ability to ask.
If we are talking ultimately though, I don’t think anyone can give me any help with that decision really. Just the facts I need to decide. When I finally need to. Tell you one thing though, being Transsexual is not a sodding rose garden. Although it is mostly blooming awesome. To be fair.