Eye Hate You So Much Right Now

I’ve decided I should include a very real transsexual, possibly just female, problem here. Eye makeup, my laughing nemesis.

While I was still in a sort of tranny/drag stage of development I loved having dramatic eyes. And by that I mean LOVED. And when I first went full-time I always wore mascara and at least eyeshadow. Then I realised I was abominable at both. So I just stopped. Defeated, as it were.

And it partly turned out to be a small blessing as I attracted less attention and kind of started to blend in to the average crowd. That helped me grow.

But damn it, I love eye makeup and I want to get good at it. I am not without skills you know. I can deal with any kind of crisis. Any kind. And there isn’t a complicated form I cannot master and I write the most sarcastic but entirely accurate complaint letters you could ever imagine. These are areas where I can influence my life and others if required of me.

But just simple but effective eyeliner eludes me. Never mind a smokey eye. And it’s just not fair. God but I’ve tried. I remain abominable at it. I’ve sat for hours armed with pots, pencils and YouTube videos and the results are always the same. I dare not answer the door in case it’s the zoo come to take me to mate with Ling Ling the panda.

But I’m a determined sort of gal. 2016 is the year I conquer this. In private obviously. Nobody else needs to see that sort of shit. Especially those zoo folk.

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