A Bit Of A State (Of Mind)

Every now and then I get asked about my transition. I’m pretty much always happy to answer, within reason, as I think it’s important to be open about it in order for people to understand.

The questions and comments mostly follow familiar threads. But for me at least, being Trans is not an ordeal. I wasn’t ever living a tortured life, merely a different one. I’m not brave either, just finally honest with myself, and I didn’t know for definite until I was well into my Thirties. That I suspected earlier I will concede.

But I think most people would probably be surprised to know that being Trans is the most positive thing that has ever happened in my life. I couldn’t put a price on what it has given me. It’s immeasurable.

It’s between confidence and contentment, self esteem and self knowledge and also the difference between wondering “What if?” and seeing my well-being soar.

On the one hand, it wasn’t without loss but on the other, I’m stronger for it and the emotional independence it has brought will see me through just about anything. I hope.

I’m not convinced I was ever that strong before. Difficult to say. But what I think I am now is healthy, happy and relatively sorted. That’s a great place to (mostly) be. And without transition I’m not sure my rosy outlook would be the same as it is. It’s just another thing to be thankful for really.

I totally understand the very normal questions I am asked though. I’d go as far as to say I welcome them. But I don’t know if I can ever really explain what it’s like to be Trans to anyone who isn’t. But I try. I will concede another thing that was put to me this week though. It does take balls. Ironically enough.

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