So, today I posted a card to one of my brothers. A small step towards putting my family back together. A tiny but terrifying start.
And I’m equally as terrified of the answer it might bring. He might agree to meet me or it might be met with silence. I have no idea which scares me most.
But it’s a start. And better than doing nothing at all. Best case scenario is it leads to our first awkward conversation in over two years. Worst case is just that nothing changes. For now. I’ll send a truckload of cards before I give up.
I have to be a little bit hopeful though. I’m not expecting a ticker tape parade or to undo two years overnight but my brother might start to come around. And if he does, it will likely be slowly. Not like I’m going anywhere till he does.
If he is able to meet me halfway? I barely know what to begin to say to him. There’s so much more to be figured out if that happens. But my phone will either ring or it won’t. I’m prepared for both. Particularly if it doesn’t.
I’ll be sad as hell but then I’ll try to remember what I keep telling myself, there is always tomorrow. And it’s not a road to nowhere, just a long road back. First step taken.