My main aims for the next year or so are working out who I want to be and where I am with the whole complicated gender reassignment thing. Annoyingly, those answers are more evasive than I’d like.
All of my questions have multiple choice answers. Could I really be happy as I am right now? Do I need to commit to surgery? What will I gain? What will be lost? Will I even like having a lady voice? What happens to Chris once I do? The answers vary depending on time of day and my nomadic mood patterns. But fortunately the consensus is generally about moving forward. The one advantage I have with these dilemmas though? I do know what I am. I think.
To paraphrase that wee romantic bit at the end of Notting Hill, “I’m just a girl, standing in front of society at large, asking it to vaguely tolerate her.” That’s really all I need to get by in life. I have simple needs. Sorry though, I do love a movie reference. Even my blog name contains one. Although it’s a Bridget Fonda movie and not the “specialist” video it may have brought to mind for you.
What I really am is about as flawed as anybody else. Flailing about in the dark trying to make sense of things. But still, definitely not floundering. And that’s good enough for me. Just letting life happen has been a positive life saver of a strategy so far. It’s made my transition thus far relatively painless and the few blanks I have seem to be doing an impressive job filling themselves in.
So I’m not going to worry too much. There’s still an amorphous plan in place. It has just two prongs. Lady voice and hair removal. Both are likely to take me into early 2017 without finding time for too much consternation. The final decision will still be there to be made. And that feels ok to me. A lot can happen in a year.