Big Wheel Keep On Turnin’

Some people get to be good at sports. Some people get to be good at science. I get to be a Transsexual. Which is far from the handicap you might think.

Despite originally suffering a terrible case of wondering “Why Me?”, I’ve come to regard it as the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Although to clarify, it’s a bit like winning some kind of utterly perverse genetic lottery. The prize though is just being yourself.

I doubt that any parent’s heart’s desire would be for their child to be gender variant. That’s because of a natural enough fear that life will somehow be painful and harder. And to some extent, it perhaps is. But it’s also chock full of fantastic opportunities.

I get to experience the worst of people and their incredible lack of education and manners. But it’s totally balanced out with the very best of people, just a half smile and eye contact offer both support and acceptance in an unspoken instant. This happens daily, confrontation does not. And in the end, life is generally fairly positive. Because people continue to be mostly good.

I get to have the experience of having lived in two genders and all that comes with that. It offers a reasonably unique perspective in life. And I’m lucky to be one of the few that’s seen the world from both sides of a fence. Neither are really as dramatically different as all that.

I get to learn. More every day. What it meant to be a man. What it means to be a woman. Where the hell I fit inbetween, given my gender status limbo at the moment. But it’s very much a beautifully privileged position to be in. I grow less “black and white” as time goes on because of this. I’ve managed to find room for a lot of grey areas.

I get to exchange confidence for the anxiety I actually believed was normal. Won’t take too much credit for that. That relied heavily on the people that matter to me and the world around me meeting me in the middle.

I get to be surprised that that happened.

And I get to feel happy. Most of the time. Not that I was ever desperately unhappy before. It’s just a different sort of contentment. So, it’s not really a handicap at all. More of a daily adventure. With no room for regrets on the journey.

But I never lost a minute of sleepin’
Worryin’ ’bout the way things might have been”


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