Confidence Trick

I did say I wasn’t going to blog this weekend. I lied apparently. But I’m currently too pleased with how things are going not to write something. A week of firsts for me has pushed my confidence to an all-time high. Seems worth a mention here. After recent events and having to involve the Police in my life, I was genuinely surprised to find myself casting off my wig and showing the world myself. Au Naturale. I didn’t think I was there yet.  And yet I am.  Cord cut,  security blanket tentatively back in the box.  And it’s been OK. Friday then saw me sitting on a discussion panel at the Scottish Queer International Film Festival answering strangers’ questions. Something my male self would never have been able to do. Tangible progress then.  But the biggest and most personally satisfying thing came later on Friday night. Found myself at a Pamper Party with some lovely ladies. Naively I hadn’t realised this would ultimately involve being in front of people without makeup. I rely heavily on that suit of armour.  Or so I thought.  Surprisingly it was remarkably easy to strip it back and just be.  I knew I was safe,  no different to any of the other girls and I learned that I do have the confidence NOT to wear makeup.  That might seem small.  It’s huge to me. So,  a small week of firsts and a boost in confidence has left things looking pretty positive. The next time I need to do something new I need to remember this feeling.  And just do it.  What could possibly go wrong?

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