I Can’t Tell You The Way I Feel

Yesterday was one of those days when it was difficult not to feel loss. Father’s Day naturally led me to thinking of my own Dad. Gone almost 18 years but as large as life in my memory still. And from there it was unavoidable to think of the other family that I have “lost” for the time being. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t sitting at home wallowing in misery. That’s generally a Wednesday moment. If at all. I hugely enjoyed seeing people posting happy statuses on social media.  I’d have been doing the same in a heartbeat. But I did wonder whether I’d be estranged from my brothers had he lived. I just don’t think he’d have stood for it. My Dad was definitely far from perfect but he was amazingly open minded and forgiving too. And it did me no harm to recall that yesterday. It probably made my week to be honest. Because of my Dad, I will never forget that I do have brothers. I am going to talk to them again. Probably not tomorrow, that’s a given. But I’m more determined than ever to fix what I did wrong. He’d expect at least that much.

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